Clay Sparkman
I thought it would be nice to publish something just for fun today. I originally wrote and published this TOP TEN list on our web site man years ago. I think it is still relevant after all this time.
Again, keep in mind, this is done purely for the sake of laughter, so take it in the spirit in which it is intended. It actually tends to reinforce some stereotypes that I have worked hard for many years to dispel regarding private money and the borrowers of private money so don’t take it too seriously. Still – just this one time, I couldn’t resist. Drum roll please…
Top ten ways you know it might be time to consider private money:
10. The bank asks you to return the promotional pen which they gave you last month.
9. Your neighbor keeps throwing orange peels and egg shells on your house because they think it is a compost pile.
8. You are continually confusing your FICO score with your bowling score.
7. The Account Rep for your favorite lending institution laughs so hard that he suffers a hernia and is rushed off to the hospital before you can finish telling him about your loan request.
6. When figuring your net worth on a 1003, you include as assets: your karma, your winning smile, your exotic house cat Ms. Buttons, and your $5,000 instructional video course on how to make a million bucks investing in real estate.
5. The bank officer repeatedly refers to your floating home as a “boat”, and insists on using terms and expressions like “port” and “bow,” and “thar she blows.”
4. Meth lab shmeth lab! (A true real estate investor doesn’t let minor obstacles stand in her way.)
3. Your down-payment consists of twelve cases of Budweiser empties, an IBM 386 computer, and a Tim Duncan rookie card.
2. Your timeline is so short that you are working on a scheme which involves flying an escrow team westward to the international dateline and closing the deal at 12,000 feet.
1. The land which you hope to borrow against is so raw that it bleeds when you stick a fork in it.
— Clay (clay@privatemoneysource.com)
