Clay Sparkman
We haven’t done one of these for awhile. There is plenty to be serious about with regard to the economy, the real estate markets, and in particular, the market for trust deeds and private money loans. There is plenty of uncertainty in these markets. And yet, there are also some good things happening and I am beginning to see the emergence of some logical patterns (which favor those who deal in these markets). At any rate, there is always room for a good chuckle. So with that in mind, I give you the top ten loan offerings that you may choose not to review.
Drum roll please…
10. The loan packet is written in what appears to be ancient hieroglyphic on papyrus scrolls.
9. The loan broker informs you that in order to review the packet, you will need to find it in a rather elaborate scavenger hunt, and the first clue is …
8. The loan broker indicates that the entire loan packet has been adapted as a one-man solo performance art piece. It will be appearing at the Museum of Modern Art in New York this fall.
7. When you ask the loan broker where you may get a copy of the packet, she tells you to place a tin foil hat on your head and wait for the electronic vibes to arrive. “That could be right away or it could take many days. You have to be at one with the universe.”
6. Mel Gibson is somehow involved in the broker chain.
5. Time is really of the essence. You have precisely 1 hour and 19 minutes to review the packet. Uh … that’s now 1 hour and 18 minutes.
4. You are instructed to go to the phone booth at 19th and Burnside and wait for a call.
3. “What do you want already? Just frigging write the check …”
2. The borrower’s story is about to be made into a major network TV movie starring Bruce Dern.
1. You want to see a loan packet. Fine. There is an app for that.
— Clay (clay@privatemoneysource.com, 503-476-2909 or 800-971-1858)
Clay is Vice President of Fairfield Financial, a primary source for private money loans since 1964. Fairfield works with a broad range of private money investors, in a broker capacity, finding, underwriting, presenting, closing, servicing, and when necessary, assisting in the workout of difficult loans.
Tags: hard money investing, hard money lending, hard money loans, investing, private money investing, private money lending, private money loans, real estate, real estate investing, trust deed investing, trust deed lending, trust deed loans
