Clay Sparkman
I thought it would be nice to publish something just for fun today. I rather enjoy doing these TOP TEN lists, but I try to avoid doing them very often for fear that it will look like this blog is purely for my own self-amusement. And of course to a certain extent this is true—but I wouldn’t want to give you that impression.
Drum roll please…
Top ten clues that you should probably pass on a particular loan offering:
10. The borrower looks uncannily like the young Al Pacino. (Think Scarface.)
9. The loan packet looks like it has been through a war–beat-up, dog-eared, and coffee stained, and you detect the faint smell of urine.
8. The borrower describes his take-out strategy as, “win lottery.”
7. Worse yet: the borrower describes his take-out strategy as, “bank loan.”
6. The property exists in a different dimension and therefore cannot actually be inspected without passing though a seam in the universe. (Think of the title problems alone: survey, easements, etc.)
5. The property is located in the near-bankrupt third-world state of California.
4. The property is located on the tropical Island of Cuba, but it is located on US territory. Uh, yes: there is a spectacular bay view.
3. The use of funds section reads, “…to complete the design and manufacture of an advanced metallic protective hat which will deflect all external thought transitions to my brain and at the same time keep all my thoughts from escaping.”
2. The borrower is a self-proclaimed Solo Performance Art Specialist who cannot afford to make regular interest payments but commits to make “equivalent value payments” in live regular performances on your front lawn.
1. There is an exception on title which requires that a Chihuahua named Gertrude maintain a perpetual right to fully occupy and utilize the property for the duration of her existence. (I guess this isn’t an automatic dis-qualifier. You might want to meet Gertrude before finalizing your position.)
— Clay (clay@privatemoneysource.com)
Tags: hard money investing, hard money lending, hard money loans, investing, private money investing, private money lending, private money loans, real estate, real estate investing, trust deed investing, trust deed lending, trust deed loans
